the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
