oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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