It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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