Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
