if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
