Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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