Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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