Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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