she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
