i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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