my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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