Ketchup is God's man juice
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
