lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
