come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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