He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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