I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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