Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
two words: eviction party
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
