I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
