do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
