She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
