I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize