I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
