if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
