I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
