And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
