Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize