hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
