sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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