I got chris browned last night
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
