I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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