I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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