eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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