if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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