i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
