I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
