I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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