Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
