I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
