Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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