do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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