Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
