I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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