I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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