I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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