I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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