sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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