i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you never un-have a 4some
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
