My first STD was from a foam party
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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