her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
