smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
