how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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