so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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