Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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