this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
