She just used a chaser for red wine.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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