Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Someone signed my nipple.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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