Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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