My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize