it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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