You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you will always have a special place in my vag
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
