If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
